How do you find connection in a world that feels so disconnected?
Social media. What an incredible invention. There’s no denying the power and all the great things that come from it. I have had some great conversations with people I’ve never met on social media. The reason I am writing this blog today, is a great example of some of that but for all the good it brings and the good it has given me I can’t help but feel that the way we (humans) interact has been negatively impacted by technology.
Technological advances are inevitable and it’s important that we adapt and make them work for us, but I can’t seem to shift the feeling that the more technical the world gets, the less connection we have with one another.
Most of us now all have an online space (or multiple online spaces) where you can be anyone you want to be. You can portray yourself however you want others to see you and, in many cases, that is not always a true reflection of who we are. How can this be a good thing for developing real connections with people? How can we possibly create meaningful interactions with others if we don’t know who they really are?
Think about it. It is now completely acceptable to finish a conversation with an emoji, or just by double tapping/hitting the like button rather than responding to what somebody has said. Being ‘left on read’ is now so common, we don’t even acknowledge it for most of the time. It’s become so easy to be avoidant and disregard conversations you don’t want to have that we forget about how that may feel to the other person. We’re all guilty of this. In real life, you wouldn’t just walk away from someone mid conversation, so why do we do it online? There’s a false sense of security in this virtual space and I’m not sure it’s a good thing.
Connections are so important. To be able to have a conversation with someone and feel that energy click is one of life’s greatest pleasures. Getting so lost in conversation and putting the world to rights (as me and my friends like to call it) is incredible. To have your mind stimulated is crucial for humans but it’s something that’s getting lost amongst the virtual barriers.
Take modern dating for example. Dating apps encourage you to swipe left or right on someone purely based off their appearance. Even though dating apps have changed and try to encourage conversation in recent years, the reality is most people don’t read bio’s and base their matches off one thing and one thing only, how someone looks. Nobody needs to put in any effort because if something doesn’t meet their needs instantly, you can so easily unmatch and start swiping again. It’s really quite mind-numbing and not helpful for anyone’s confidence or ability to approach someone in the real world. The way some people communicate on these apps has always astonished me. It now appears to be so easy for people to be thoughtless, to be disrespectful, to not care about other people’s feelings and to normalise emotionally cruel behaviours like, dishonesty, deceitfulness, game playing and ‘ghosting’. This is why most people feel uncertain, insecure and unhappy in the world of dating. It’s a shame, because it’s so unnecessary.
I often wonder how people would feel and react if social media just disappeared. No more apps. No more filters. No more likes. No more reactions to a story you post. No more DMs. No more swipes. If this didn’t exist, how fulfilled would you be with your life and the connections you have? It’s a terrifying time to live in when we base so much of our worth on meaningless (and I mean that wholeheartedly) meaningless interactions. None of this is real life and none of it matters.
I don’t want this to sound like a hate speech against social media, because as I said above it is incredible and I recognise there are so many good things to come from it. You can create strong friendships with people you meet online. I just wish we could all strive to encourage real human interaction as much as we encourage one another on socials. Develop real connections with people in person and enjoy what that can bring to your life. Why is it seen as a weakness to care about others? When did it become ‘cool’ to be cruel? Why does ‘catching feelings’ for someone have such negative connotations? People stop themselves experiencing great things, making fun memories and meeting new people because they overthink and fear what the outcomes of a situation may be. Our feelings, our thoughts and the relationships we have are what helps us learn, helps up grow and gives us some of life’s best moments. If someone cares for you or if your conversation sparks something positive in others, how can that possibly be a bad thing? If spending time with someone feels good then why not do it? Not all connections will be permanent and not all connections will be right for you. That’s okay. We can be open, honest and kind in those situations. But sometimes, we just need to stop over thinking and enjoy it for what it is in that moment. A conversation with a friend. A dinner with an interesting person. A moment of shared thoughts with someone you may never see again. Laughter, excitement, annoyance, debate! All of these things are better in person and these are the experiences we should be trying to nourish. The pandemic forced us all into connecting virtually (and I think there has been a lot of positives to that) but we don’t have to stay there all the time. Hiding behind screens and using virtual interaction as a comfort blanket is not good for anyone. I acknowledge that it’s not always simple to get out there and meet people, but it is simple to pick up the phone. Have an actual conversation and hear the sound of someone laughing instead of seeing the word ‘lol’. It feels pretty good.
An in-person chat, a phone call or even a voice note... (anything other than robotic texting) It may take time, but let’s communicate and try to remember what it’s like to be human.
Hope to see you soon…
Beth