Trish

It started in 1994 or 95. I got a "knot" in my groin area. It wouldn't go away and it got to where I literally couldn't walk. I went to er. I heard infected ingrown hair. The er Dr ( without no numbing agent nothing for pain not anything) lanced it. I'm screaming and trying to leave the whole time tears running everywhere from complete and total pain. He cuts, squeezes then takes hemostats and opens it to pack it, all with nothing. This in itself was ver traumatic and scarred me cause to this day ( 2018) I completely lose it and freak just seeing a needle. As time goes by I get more and I'm told they are ingrown hair or infected ingrown hairs and boils. It gets to where they give me verscaid in the er to just take care of me because of what they call an " unnatural" fear of needles. Fast forward to 2005. Back at Dr with another"knot". They about to sedate me again. But another Dr wants to see, he tells the Drs looking at me that it cannot be lanced it will make it worse. He told me I was going to surgery. He told me I had Hidradenitis Suppurativa. All I really remember was No Cure. Not Contagious. 11 years later I had a name for this monster. That started a downhill spiral for me. All I could think was No Cure. I started drinking I just gave up and didn't care. I begged God to take me because the pain was so unreal. The pain is off the charts and indescribable. It's awful. 2016 was 1 of the worst surgeries ever. It hindered my mobility even more and quality of life. Again I begged and pleaded with God to take me because of the pain. It's just unreal with no way to explain or describe it. I don't know what happened. Toward the end of the year of 2016 it's like I woke up. I started reading up on this. I started researching it. I wasn't a wife to my husband or a friend or mother. I was nothing. Nothing but a burden. Like I said I don't know what happened but it was God it had to be. I started slowly coming back to life. I found other things to enjoy. I was always a happy and positive person and always found good in things. I had to have a talk with myself. I might not do what I used to but I can still find enjoyment in what I do. It hasn't been easy. Especially when Drs and nurses say " oh it can't hurt that bad or it can't be that bad" family and friends don't understand. Here I am 2019. You would never guess I went through all of that. I still have mobility issues. I have no depression and I don't beg God to take me anymore. I'm here. And I think I'm here to help someone. After what I went through I know I can help someone. I still dont trust Drs or nurses 100% cause of everything I went through. I still have an " unnatural" fear of needles but I'm here. HS has taken so much away from me......but I refuse to let it have my happiness.